In my observation, you made me who I am.
So, please allow me to thank you.
Let me get this straight, for the record, of course.
Under your rule, I wasn’t good enough. I was someone to be kept in a corner, hidden in a closet, or wrapped by so many suffocating cloaks that no one could ever find me, less they knew I existed at all.
I tend not to re-read previously written pieces — they are what they are, and what they are is how they’re supposed to be. Without reading them (which I suspect I will do in the next coming days), I know that I cheated on you because you made me feel inferior, yet I knew I was of value.
After nearly seven years of bad luck, innumerable tears, and a significant weight gain, I knew what it felt like to be as amazing I could be and still be in the worst relationship I could imagine. Three and a half years after I sat across from you, eating my peas and carrots, I still remember how I felt when I left that metaphorical dinner table and consulted my keyboard for help. I honestly had no idea how long it’s been since that conversation took place until right now; it resonates with me as though it was last week.
That was then.
Allow me to remind you that our official breakup took place four days shy of my two weeks’ resignation. That was the day on which you decided to have someone who had worked for the company for two months walk me out, without notice, in front of my entire team of people.
You shamed me.
While you sat behind your closed office doors.
All of you.
I never said goodbye or had the opportunity to thank you.
So I will do it now.
Thank you for teaching me how to treat people. Because anything I can do that’s not what you did makes me a better person.
Thank you for teaching me the industry. Because without you, I wouldn’t have you on my resume, and I wouldn’t have been found by another of your exes.
Thank you for the professional PTSD. Because since my time with you, I have learned to acknowledge the flags, and walk away quickly. Unfortunately, you’re more common than you are rare.
Thank you for empowering me with the understanding that, even when I’m being spit and shit on, kicked and punched, covered and suffocated, I am still wonderful.
And you’re welcome.
You’re welcome for all that I gave you for all of those years.
You’re welcome for my phenomenal resistance to your hateful nature and my constant strive to want to be a better person, despite your hideous downfalls.
You’re welcome for taking everything that you’ve taught me, mostly through opposition and the desire to be nothing like you.
You’re welcome for accepting a position with a company that will fight for the people you fuck over on a daily basis.
In my observation, you. are. welcome.